Hal Fuller

 

Hidden

Shamed

Framed in darkness

Locked door, whispery shadowed lust

Trusting nothing, least of all self

Joy shelved with dust and spiders

Webbed in fear that next knock

Will reveal all

Caught! Known! Shown!

Alone under sheet with secret ecstasy

When all the other kiddies sleep

Dreaming safely normal dreams

Of daylight when and where and who

And you fevered scream, doing

Odd, dark night things

Wishing wings could bear away

This guilt, this pain

While brain, soul twist and squirm

Worm! Vermin!

Cosmic ooze scraped off God’s shoe.

Knotted vile

While all you’re seeking

Peeking out from darkened blind

Is that measure of peace

Others seem to find

Try, deny, cry in anguish

“Why? Me?”

Purge. Bury. Cast away

Walk away, back to little good boy-hood

“I’ll be good! I’ll be good!

Just don’t let me hurt no more!”

Purge.

Splurge.

Back to it all

Back to the wall

Back to the closet

And secret horror shame.