i am getting ready to take some scary steps.
i know, now, that i am transgender.
i have been essentially trying to kill myself with indiscriminate gay sex in total secrecy.
i may be hiv+ – but i don’t think so.
if i don’t come out – i think it is virtually certain i will end up hiv+
i am married. i need to get divorced – i treasure my wife – but i’m not sure i can deal with her take on all of this. she really needs the stability of a much more gender confident traditional male.
i want to always be her friend. she is my best friend. i don’t want to pretend to be “the man” anymore, though.
i just want to go away to a friendly and warm place – and become real.
i have gynecomastica. always have. Was asked by younger brother and friend “Why do you have breasts?” at 8 years old.
tried to hide breasts by improvising corset with belts to wear new shirt to go out to dinner with family. a little brother saw and told. recriminations about “my fat problem”.
“Look! They both have BREASTS!” – exclamation of some asshole tough kid when I entered Teen Club with my first real girlfriend. It was maybe the third “date” of my life – approximately 14 years old.
Now – 37(!) years old. locked into guilt obsessed marriage with a spoiled Catholic girl – who adores me – cuz I am so obedient and nice.
I love my breasts now – after all of this time I have come to treasure them.
this all started to build in subtle ways. a strange attraction and comfortable feeling with TG porn – thanks to the net. finally putting my foot down and starting to wear an earring again – provided wife could select it. once again foot put down again with wife – I want LONG hair again.
I AM TIRED OF LIVING WITH MY WEB OF LIES!